Life Talk 5

I found something similar between me, Ewon Jung from Totally Captivated and Masataka from Sakura Gari.

We're all afraid of love.

The thing is, they found theirs because their life revolves in mangas and manhwas... Me? I guess I'll be alone then...

I'm always wondering why I normally think like a seme. I like the idea of being a seme and somehow I think it suits my personality...sorta...

But I guess I can be an uke as well. Wait, I am an uke, being a girl and all.

What the hell am I ranting about...

Anyway, I figured if I were to be a seme, I'll probably be a lonely one. I'll spoil the ones I love, I'll accept whatever they present to me and yet I can't give my heart to them. I'll probably be the best and worst seme ever. I'll probably get dumped from almost every relationship I've been in...

If...I was an uke (which I am) I'll probably be...capricious... I'll do whatever I want, still spoil those I love and will probably give them anything (not literally) but same, I won't hand over my heart. It's mine and mine alone...

Selfish...I know...

But...It's a scary thought...to lose yourself like that... I can't imagine myself like that, ever.

And knowing how guys these days are worthless SOBs... I'm better off keeping it to myself.

Heh...I'm a seke. XP

**********
The tingles come more frequently now...

Yaoi Talk 2

Alright, this is just another one of those Ignore-Me-Posts just like the one before. I just need a place to upload this huge photo. Photobucket hates mehhhh!!!!

Yaoi Talk

I'm not sure what number it is and honestly, you can just ignore this post. I'm only posting here because it is literally my final attempt to get this freaking picture online.

Cosplay Talk 3

Weee~ Wassup people~! It's been approximately 1 month and 11 days since I last posted here. Well, I did warn earlier that I'll rarely post here so yeah, gave my word didn't I? =P

Alright, I don't really know where to start first so let's start with what happened since the last time I posted here.

I finally had my debut cosplay. Yes, finally! Not that I'm too happy about it though...
It was terrible. I looked absolutely horrible. I won't be overrating when I say I look like a ghost. I really do! I picked my foundation a colour too light and my GOD! I don't even want to think about it now. Well, safe to say, my very first cosplay absolutely FAILED!!! See for yourself....

It's Shiki from Togainu no Chi! The Military version. Couldn't cosplay with Fuyu this year because she still had her last paper of SPM to sit for and so I went there with my forth sister. Saki gave me a surprise visit there~ I honestly thought that she couldn't come but there she was, suddenly in the middle of the day calling me asking me where I was. I had a picture taken of Shiki trying to amputate her out of anger but that's in the house computer. (I am using a laptop now so pictures of me are scarce.)
Anyhow, it was a great surprise~ Oh, and Jellyfish managed to persuade her mother (and whole family) to spend the day at Times Square. She walked around with her brother and I SWEAR they had more fun there then me and my sister did! Thanks to my useless platform boots... Okay, my bad for not knowing that you're suppose to send the boots first to a cobbler before wearing it for an event... >.< Okay, so after that, our Togainu no Chi photoshoot had to be canceled because there was just too much problems... so it'll be delayed till the end of this year, probably. Even though I had planned to sell my costume after ComicFiesta, since my cosplay was terrible last year, not to mention Fuyu never had a chance to wear her's, I've decided to keep it until the both of us are able to cosplay together at the same event.

Well, I do owe her that much.

So, back to my normal cosplay problems, well, after Shiki I had feeling that I didn't want to cosplay anymore. Like I mention, cosplaying is probably the worst phase that I've been through so far. But, you reap what you sow and in the end, I have to cosplay another character this year, which is Kaito from Vocaloid. Yeah, Vocaloid... The most cosplayed thing ever in the history of cosplays, I guess. No, I don't guess. I KNOW!

Anyway, it's Fate:Rebirth so I don't really have much to complain since I also like the costume but yeah, it's expensive... I guess that's my only complain. And since that, I'm thinking of doing other Kaito cosplay, as to safe the wig that I bought. So far now I'm interested in Pane Dhiria cosplay. It's a nice costume, and basically it covers most of everything.

Here~ ^^
Nice right~ Can't really deny that. So I'll probably sew this costume instead of commissioning it since I can't afford to lost more money.

Oh, speaking of sewing. I'm staying true to my word of doing a VERSAILLES cosplay~
Catch? I'll be wearing a tudung! Yes! I will cosplay HIZAKI and TERU wearing a tudung and none of you cosplayers can talk me out of it!

Wee~ I'll probably sew most of my VERSAILLES costumes since like I said, can't really afford to lose more money now.

Well, I guess that's all for today. I have a lot more to write but I'll save that for tomorrow. ^^

Ja, mata ne~~~

Life Talk 4

Expect very VERY harsh words.

FUCK COSPLAY. I don't a DAMN about cosplay right now. Yeah, I know. After spending about 1K on my cosplay things, especially my wigs, this is what I say. Well, I was an idiot to believe that I could finally fit in by cosplaying. To think that cosplayers are such self-indulgent and narcissistic people were way out of mind.

To that person in question. No, not you Saki. ^^
I guess your real personality really shines through when you're mad huh?
Wait, your real personality already shone through so many times and yet, no matter how many times I told you, you never listen. Still a brat.

Haiz... I don't care if I can't cosplay anymore after I say this. I'm glad to say if someone actually banned me from cosplay because the trouble is too much for me. It was worst phase that I've ever been through. I was never this bad when I decided to continue to draw or when I decided to listen to J-rock.

Sure, being at the CF forum really taught me a lot of things, especially online shopping, and because of that my yaoi and J-rock collection is steadily growing. But MY GOD, those people. Only a few of them that I like and some just annoy the crap hell outta me.

I think that it's a given that I'm only able to handle 2-3 friends per year. I can't handle too much because I have a different face to almost everyone. So only 3 will have seen my true face. Only 3, or 2 knows how hard my situation really is.

The rest can just go die. I don't really mean that. Sorry.


Well, I guess I'm better off as a hikikomori. I mean it. It's better that I don't experience anything rather than always being disappointed than what I find. Feth the world, I don't care about it anymore.

Life Talk 3

Well, I'm finally back after what...? 3 months? Damn, am I lazy.

Before I start releasing my anger, which is at my head right now, lets just breeze through what happened these few months.

1. I went to take SPM.
2. I finished taking SPM.
3. I order VERSAILLES's Chateau de Versailles DVD and pre-ordered Matenrou Opera's Abyss. Expecting to get them before my birthday. Let's just say that its my birthday present from myself to myself.
4. I made a hell lot of decisions on cosplay. Heck, I wished I had never bothered to cosplay at all.
5. I finally made myself a Facebook.
6. I bought Jellyfish a VERSAILLES single. Her first one. ^^

Expect very harsh words in my next post.

Life Talk 2

To become me...
Or to become what people expect when they see me...

To become the same person that I've always been...
Or to become the way that I want 'ME' to be...

To choose which way to lead to my downfall...
To choose which way that makes me less insane...

Hmm...?
I wonder which way is that?

***

> This is not a poem... my thoughts just suddenly rhymed together... >.<''