Life Talk 2

To become me...
Or to become what people expect when they see me...

To become the same person that I've always been...
Or to become the way that I want 'ME' to be...

To choose which way to lead to my downfall...
To choose which way that makes me less insane...

Hmm...?
I wonder which way is that?

***

> This is not a poem... my thoughts just suddenly rhymed together... >.<''

Life Talk 1

Up until a moment ago...my hand really hurt. It tingled like mad...

and even though I know that it's puasa... I just can't help the thoughts running through my mind. It just really hurts when I think about it... and it makes me sad that I still have such thoughts in my head...

It just hurts being like this. And being around people.

I don't care what people tell me but I don't think I'll be able to like a guy properly... as in a guy in my time and not some J-rocker or a fantasy character that I created.

It just hurts to be with them...my friends...my seniors...everyone...

I'm not sure what made my heart harden like this but I think I can tell that it's not going to soften anymore... It'll be more harder as I grow I guess.

Most probably I'm just afraid of getting hurt... though I know that it's practically impossible, I just don't want to get hurt from someone I've loved, trusted and depended on.

So to HELL with GUYS!

I rather buy myself a BJD and cuddle with it all day.

Manga Talk & Cosplay Talk 2

Alright, before I get started with this week's post, I'm just going to say that I'm going to label my blog posts from now on, instead of giving it just random names.

Lolz. Anyway, from now on, it'll be :-

Manga Talk
Cosplay Talk
J-rock Talk
Graphics Talk
Life Talk

I'll put some extra names like Anime Talk IF there's something that interest me. For now, these four will be the main topics. ^^

Anyway, manga talk.

I know that I'm a bit late for saying this but oh well, it's now or never....

COUNT CAIN & GOD CHILD IS TOTALLY AWESOME!

Ahh~ it felt good to let it out. ^^

Anyway, I finally got around to reading the manga and who would have thought that it was THAT good. I mean, in my standards, it was totally in par with After School Nightmare, Totally Captivated and The Viewfinder Series.

These were that mangas that managed to etch themselves into my mind even after I've read them. They've been stuck so deep in my mind that I've dreams about them if I read the manga before I sleep.

After School Nightmare gave me the biggest shock in my dreams because before I woke up, I dreamnt that the Black Knight was going to kill me. *YIKES!*

And Count Cain (I'll call it this since it is the main name for both manga series) . I keep dreaming of Riff. Yes, the greatest butler of all, and the butler that can beat any butler master couple in the AMG world HANDS DOWN!.
(And I mean you, Ciel and Sebby. XP )

Cain and Riff have such a deep bond that it really makes people tremble with fear and joy at their relationship. It's just so... amazing and beautiful. No other words can make me describe their beautiful relationship. Read the manga then you'll really understand what I mean. ^^

Anyway, about the cosplay talk, well, after reading the manga, and without much consideration, plus without knowing when to do it, I've decided to TRY and cosplay three characters from Count Cain.

1. As you can guess RIFF

2. Jizabel (he also has a very sad story but I'm not gonna spoil that for you. ^^)

3. White Owl (can't find his picture... gomen... >.<'')


All Major Arcanas....

MWAHAHAHAHA! (I need to stop doing that >.>'')

Anyway, Ja ne for now! ^^

Siggies~

Well, since I have no idea what to post here today, and since I have thought about doing this for some time already, I'll just do it.

So then, behold! The CF Forum signatures that I have made using photoscape. ^^

All of these signatures are arranged according to the earliest till the latest.

Enjoy. ^^

My first ever sig at the CF forum, Matenrou Opera~

Matenrou Opera again~

Aicle Que Sera Sera Vers.

My first Versailles siggie!!!! Absolutely love this one~

2nd Versailles siggie~

JUKA

Teru

Aicle *The new image~*

PuraTori~ [Plastic Tree XD XD ]

SID

KAYA

KAMIJO~

Jasmine You~

A request from a CF forumer. Reita.

Another request from a forumer. The GazettE.

The most recent one, YUKI~

Yeah, well. So far these are the ones that I made. I know they are just basic things and aren't all that nice but I'm proud of what I made. ^^
You can take them if you want, but please, credit the maker as me... >.<''

Oh, I know some of you might be wondering. Wondering as in... where is HIZAKI's sig? Next week?

Nope. I'm not going to post a signature of him in the CF Forum.

Reason?

He's for my PRIVATE eyes only~

MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Cosplay Talk...

Another long post...
Don't mind me~~~

Lolz, anyway... I FINALLY DID IT...

Yeah, finally... I got rid of Asato from my cosplay list. I felt so relieved when I finally did it. It feels like a weight literally dropped from my shoulder when I finally decided to give him up. I mean, the idea of dropping him had been a while in my mind but I never got the courage to really drop him.

Just so you know, Jellyfish gave me the final push. >.<'' Well, what started today's decision of dropping Asato came when I read a ex-cosplayer's blog this morning. I sort of take her for my cosplay idol (she doesn't know though... >.<'') because of the fact that she still has the guts to cosplay even though she wears a 'tudung' like I do. So yeah, I kind of respect her for that...

Anyway, she just dropped cosplaying this year and when I read how she's constantly trying to get away from cosplay and about the temptation is still there, I felt guilty... Really guilty.

I mean, here I am cosplaying some character which I barely had any attachment to while someone is trying hard to resist the temptation of cosplaying someone that she really like. It made me feel bad, and I realized that if I continued to do characters for the sake of cosplaying, then I would never understand the true term of cosplay.

Sure, my original plan for next year was HIZAKI and Asato, so basically, I do have a cosplay plan of a person that I like.

But then...next year is next year. And what's more, it's for CF next year.

It felt wrong.

Because if I were to stick with my current plan this year, which was Shiki (Togainu no Chi) for CF, and then Asato and Hizaki for CF next year, then, in the two years which I have started cosplaying, I would be spending around RM500 for two characters that I barely have any attachment to.

And that's what made it feel wrong.

It made me realize that cosplay is not about being lonely because you're cosplaying the only character from that one AnimeMangaGame, and about finding a partner for your cosplay character and because of that loneliness that would make you join a group of and AMG that you barely know.

Cosplay is not like that. Not at all...

I realized that cosplaying is doing something that you like, following a character that you like, and overcoming your differences and the characters so that you can become what exactly the character is like.

Being the only character won't make me lonely, and being in a cosplay group won't make me feel less lonely than what I already am.

I'm cosplaying a specific character, whether it's from an Anime, Manga or even a J-rocker is not because I'm doing it to fill my loneliness.

I'm doing it because I want to do it. And doing a character that I like would make me feel less guilty and unhappy because it's the character that I MYSELF CHOOSE, and not a character that people made me do.

I'm sorry for Fuyu if I ever made you feel like I am right now. I made you cosplay Akira with me, so I'm really really sorry if you ever regretted buying the costume just for the sake of pleasing me.

I'm really really really sorry.

It's That Day....

It's been a year... A year since our beloved Jasmine You's death.
Honestly... I don't really know what to say... It's just sad that I didn't manage to know him or Versailles when he was alive. It made me feel so sad after I found out about Versailles last year that Jasmine You died... It really is a sad news, even for a new fan like me.

When Serenade came out at the end of last year, I honestly thought that I could cry watching the PV. Amorphous me feel the same way. I've been singing to those two songs this whole day, mourning about his death when I know that there's nothing more that can be done.

As I've said... it's been a year...

Artwork~

Tada~
I'm back for the second post of the night. Not going to be long, I have tons of homework to pass up tomorrow... >.<'' Anyway, as my title names, I'm gonna post some of my Versailles drawings up... Though they seriously suck...

Anyway, on with the show!
(I am insane...aren't I?)

Lets start with my HIZAKI's. So far I've made 4 attempts to draw him and these are numbered according to which attempt that I've made.

Alright, I know... My arrangement is terrible. I'm still figuring out on how to operate this whole site... Anyway...I've got a TERU~ My first attempt. My second attempt became Jellyfish's first half Birthday present so it's with her now~

That's all for now!
Ja ja ja ne~~~