Complicated-ness....

Honestly, the thought of updating this today never really crossed my mind. I can never stay on one thing in the net. Most of my blogs usually get used for about a week an then the very existence of it would have left my absent mind...

I was planning to use this blog as a way to express myself when I'm down in the dumps or just feeling gloomy or stressed out. That's the main reason why I didn't bother to update this site earlier. I wasn't feeling anything like what I described earlier. I felt crazy. Happy even. And the burden on my shoulder felt like it was lifted the moment I went to my seminar.

I should probably thank the seminar's Chemistry teacher for making me feel this way. She's so nice and generous! And probably the coolest Chemistry teacher one could ever know. Sure, we didn't manage to finish what she had already planned for us on that day, but she was really clear about what she was teaching us. And she's really good at giving motivational advices. I mean, at the end of the day, I wasn't stressed at all! It felt good~ Finally after almost a week...

And yet here I am...writing in my blog...while listening and singing my lungs out to Anomie. Actually, even I'm wondering why I'm doing this... I really have no reason to post out my feelings to an open internet space. I could have just wrote all of this in a diary and kept it amongst my yaoi things... and yet... I didn't...

Crap...my chest hurts...

.....

Oh yeah, the reason I'm writing here tonight... despite my hard attempt to keep myself from being stressed and finally having a happy and relaxed day.
Well... most of the feelings that I'm having now comes from me, and even though the way I'm saying it might sound as if the people that I'm talking about are at fault, it's all just mine. So if you by any chance know who that I'm about to mention, please, just remember that it's my fault for feeling like this towards them, because, like all of you that are reading this post, I am but just a human...

I'm just stressed that I feel so jealous of what my friends have... A nice collection of items, a thing that I've wished for since I started drawing, and finally, the ability to be able to look forward without being stuck in the past... something that I haven't been able to do since these regretful feelings stirred inside of me...

It's sad... and depressing...